Full Circle

The summer of 08 has been one that has brought our relationship back to the beginning of where it started. The first year of our relationship was heady, and within 7 or 8 months of our meeting I was fast at work trying to complicate and nearly wreck what has become the cornerstone of my life. I was young and dumb and idealistic: I thought it was possible to love more than one woman at a time. What I really wanted was cake, and the time to eat it too. So we loved and fought and somehow VSK forgave me enough to move forward and I decided that I could not live without her. That much I got right.

28 years later, I would not argue that it is possible to love more than one woman, but it very well might be possible to have more than one woman to make love to. That is, after many years of trying, I finally met somebody who wanted to be with me. Its not that I'm chopped liver, but I do better with girls who are friends than girlfriends. I am Mr. Safe. I know no means no. Finding a playmate was something I wanted to do, but while I had a couple of close calls, mostly it was no dice. VSK found a few takers, we had a lot of fun and I stopped thinking about it too much. Stuff happens when it is ready to happen.

When VSK found out that I had plans, potential and possibility, it tore at her. Romance is different than "playtime" and she wondered if I was going to go back to my bad old self, letting another woman into my heart in such a way that she felt excluded, diminished. I tried to mollify her, comfort her, remind her that no woman could possibly replace what we had experienced together. Some moments my efforts seemed to work. Some times VSK railed at me, questioning my honesty. Was I up to something? Was I telling her everything? Could she trust this new woman? Would she have to?

I thought that the two of them needed to meet, and an opportunity arose. Two nights before my friend was to arrive, VSK and I fought into the wee hours of the evening. At some level I thought my fantasy was over. At another level I resolved to wait and see. VSK surprises. And she loves me fiercely, something our late night battle captured with near frightening clarity.

The next morning, VSK put a shoe box on the bed. In it were four restraintes, meant for binding a person to a bed or maybe a piano. She explained to me what she thought we might do, as the plan was for us to pick up and meet my friend. I was surprised. I still felt a fair amount of trepidation, but the plan to have fun seemed right. This was jumping in the water without testing the temperature. A big step but logical. Sometimes you just have to rip the bandage right off.

I'll leave the rest of the story to VSK. It was, without a doubt, one of the most memorable days of my life. This is not the end of the story.....